In an attempt to help keep me awake through my overnight shift here at work, I have decided to keep a list of the things I’m doing throughout the night. Track any thoughts, concerns, or actions that may take place over my 9-hour journey.

11:15 pm – I arrived at work on time, and all the kids are sleeping. Staff take off as quickly as they could, and I settle in.
11:20 pm – Read through all the paperwork since my last shift, nothing really all that interesting, same stuff different day.
11:25 pm – Perform a room check. Nothing to see here.
11:27 pm – Begin my own paperwork, then check my mailbox to see if my boss left me with the training DVD’s I requested, she did!
11:30 pm – Dilly Dallying.
11:40 pm – Room Check… All is well.
11:42 pm – Trying to get a read on the staff that is working with me, we haven’t really worked much together before let alone an overnight. Could be good or bad.
11:45 pm – Check phone for first time.
11:53 pm – Went to the bathroom.
12:00 am – Performed a room check, everyone was sleeping again.
12:12 am – Put in staff training video, need some training hours…
12:14 am – Starting “Substance Abuse” training
12:22 am – Decided to apply my education for some training hours, works for me.
12:30 am – Substance abuse video is extremely exciting…… Not! /borat
12:32 am – Check rooms again, seeing them sleep makes me sleepy.
12:35 am – Guh… Why don’t they give me the internet here.
12:38 am – SHHHH… I skipped ahead about 15 minutes through the video.
12:39 am – Checked websites on my phone, nothing is going on. Lame.
12:42 am – Had my first craving for food or drink…. However I’m trying to get as far as I can before I break. Most likely my partner’s chili leftovers is causing my hunger, she offered some, I passed, didn’t look that good. Someone’s parents could be in that. /South Park References
12:43 am – Every time I work an overnight I wonder why I don’t have games on my laptop… Dumb.
12:46 am – My coworker is watching some garbage on TV, Sherlock Holmes trailer plays on commercial, I really want to see this.
12:49 am – Coworker offered Ritz Crackers. They are shaped like snow flakes. Yum.
12:51 am – First training “watched” starting the next one, a full hour long about Children’s emotional needs. My parents had it easy, a video game some starbursts and the internet and I was solid for a week.
12:53 am – Read yesterday’s Cyanide and Happiness cartoon on my phone, its small but readable, and it was a rare funny one by Matt. Nice.
12:56 am – I think its funny when a training instructor asks for an answer and gets a wrong one, then tries to positively pry another guess from another person. One of the best types of awkward situations. I would just rather be told I’m wrong and move on, but they try to be nice thus alienating the person while the rest of the classroom says nothing to avoid being put in the same spot.
This break from your regularly schedule read of Jordan’s long long night is brought to you by adventuresinabottle.com a blog about wines and how good they can be.
12:59 am – I make zero dollars from advertisements, however I feel like they make me more legit.
1:02 am – I rocked some Modern Warfare 2 before I went to work, I wish I was still playing it.
1:03 am – First kid woke up to go to the bathroom. His pants were not all the way pulled up, I got a half moon. Welcome to my job.
1:08 am – Polished off the package of Ritz crackers, hoping my coworker didn’t want any more. I’m a fatty.
1:10 am – 20 minutes into the training video, a random close up on the instructor happens for the first time. Pull it back please.
1:14 am – According to this training video 20% of kids did not know they could get pregnant if they drunk. #parentingfail
1:16 am – Surfing the MLB Trade Rumors forums on my phone, making posts for fun.
1:18 am – People on an internet message board who lack a sense of humor are no fun at all.
1:23 am – My nose is cold.
1:26 am – Beginning to fade here… And I have 7 hours left. Ouch… These trainings need to be done so I can start doing some homework.
1:28 am – Totally skipped again ahead another 10 minutes through the training. I feel like I missed nothing. Oh my God she told a joke, and it got some courtesy laughs.
1:34 am – “Kids now days text on the cell phones when they are in their pockets!” Umm yeah… I rocked that 7 years ago… #youaretooold
1:35 am – Then she transitioned from that shocking development into suicide. Damn.
1:37 am – “Kids are like penguins, they all follow a leader and would jump off a cliff together” …. No comment.
1:38 am – Random thought… I think I slept with Tiger Woods too. Should I go to the police?
1:39 am – Ahhh “penguins are very social, and easily influenced…” Kids = Penguins… Sara wanting a penguin obviously means she wants kids. /*#*(
1:40 am – Training is done, I don’t think I learned anything, I’ll assume that, that was the point.
1:41 am – Two more trainings to watch, Needs of People in Crisis, and Principles and Pratices of Child Care.
1:47 am – Took a quick break, got a Coke Zero and some starburst. Brain food!
1:49 am – Bedroom check, been a while since the last one, these kids sleep funny.
1:51 am – The playstation 3 marketing campaign makes me sad I don’t like mine more than I do. #aplusinmarketing
2:04 am – Started doing a blog for my baseball simulation league the CBU.
3:14 am – I finished writing the blog, I had no idea it would take that long but it was fun to write and I will post it whenever I get home tomorrow. I probably should have been doing some homework, but I don’t honestly trust myself at this point as I can barely complete sentences. Unfortunately my professors hold me to a high standard. Anyway you missed two bedroom checks, one kid waking up to stare at us for about 5 minutes then konk back out, and me getting an upset tummy from the sugar I just poisoned myself with. Back to the up to the minute updates!
3:16 am – So since I can’t study worth a poop (not cartoon poop) lets get back to those pesky work trainings so that I don’t lose my job for not getting enough training hours complete! #peoplefindusbygooglingcartoonpoop
3:21 am – Realized I already have that training, moving along to ‘Needs of People in Crisis’ The teacher started off by saying if you are ever in her building to stop by and say hi. #superlonelyinstructorsatthevoa
3:25 am – We’re about 5 minutes into the video and she has mentioned on several times how she usually has 90 minutes for this course, but hasn’t spent a single second on it yet. “get on with it” /monty python
3:29 am – “How many times have you known at a job that you needed to leave, but you stayed?” Ummmm… I feel that way right now. Is that permission?
3:30 am – Hello? I guess not =(
3:31 am – My nose is extremely cold. Holy crap. I need a nose warmer.
3:32 am – Zuma zooom zoom in the booom boom wayyoohhh!!
3:33 am – My boss is at this video taped training, I’ve seen her peer down at what I can only assume is her cell phone about every 24 seconds so far on average. Unless there’s something incredibly interesting about the table….
3:39 am – Room checks, yeppers.
3:40 am – yes! We got another trainer who got a bad answer, and created yet another awkward situation. /evil meanness
3:42 am – Yawn.
3:44 am – and we’re moving along here…

After that I took a nap, buzzed around the room, checked for monsters under the bed, and then eventually passed out medications to the waking children, ate some breakfast, threw up my breakfast, and then got home to bed! Home sweet home!

Me now: (well in theory)